Virgo

Now, before we go any further, think about the Virgos you know. (They're the ones with the neat hair-dos and shiny shoes, who make you feel as if you've just been dragged through a hedge backwards.) One of the wonderful things about Virgos is their tremendous talent for organizing everything under the sun starting with themselves. And they really come into their own when they can organize others as well, whether as a cleaning lady or as Home Secretary.

Vestal Virgos of all shapes and sizes are only too pleased to give you a helping hand; their Mercurial motto is 'Service with a smile'. What's more, they really live up to it. You can phone your friend when you're in a fix, and the Virgo will zoom round in ten seconds flat, looking as neat as a new pin. (How do they do it?) If you're feeling as if you've been slung on the scrap heap of life, a Virgo will interrupt your tale of woe with a hundred handy hints and then try to find you another job.

The next thing to remember about this sign is their ceaseless search for perfection. And because they're ruled by Mercury, the planet of the mind and communication, they do this analytically. Geminis spend a lot of time thinking too, but in a swifter, more superficial way. Mercury is more practical in Virgo, restrained by the Earthy element of this sign. This quest for all things perfect means that Virgos don't suffer fools gladly; they like everything to be of the best, both materially and mentally. Sometimes this can go too far, and a Virgo will become fussy and finicky to a fanatical degree. These folk can pick holes in everything, because nothing matches up to their ideals. (But take heart, because the faults they most often find are within themselves.)

Before you've spent five minutes with vestal Virgos you'll have noticed they're naturally neat, and like things to be spick and span, and in apple-pie order. This is the sign of cleanliness, both inner and outer. With most Virgos, this means they just keep everything hunky-dory, but others can go overboard. You'd think they had disinfectant swirling through their systems, they're so obsessed about then health. (A vulnerable Virgoan will moan 'If health is wealth, then I'm broke.')

Now, you may think this sounds a bit much, and that your Virgo pals aren't like that. But they are, even if it's just in a weensy way. Next time you meet a Mercurial mate, listen carefully to the conversation. There'll be at least one reference to keeping clean or tidy, I promise, or you'll hear about their health and hygiene. (This is the sign of hypochondria!) Still not convinced? Well, next time you have a chat in a cafe with your chum, do a bit of brow-clutching, or seize your stomach and sigh. Say you have a headache, or that you'd better steer clear of the sausage surprise, in case it gives you one later. Your Virgo will come over all concerned, burrow into a bag or briefcase, and produce just the pill guaranteed to get you going again. (They're that well organized!)

When it comes to keeping their surroundings sparkling, Virgos beat everyone dusters down. If they visit you, they'll even do your tidying up, not even noticing what they're doing. There was a Virgo girl at school who was invited to more parties than all the debs in Devon, because her idea of a good time was frolicking with the Fairy Liquid in the kitchen. Put your shandy down for a second and she'd have whizzed in and whisked it away, then given the glass a good going-over in the suds in the sink. (Invite a few Virgos to your next knees-up, and you won't even have to clear away a cup it'll all be done for you! But you've got to pick the right sort, because some of them are unutterably untidy.)

Because Virgos are usually tidy-minded and orderly, they can be somewhat skeptical and suspicious of anything they don't understand. For them, seeing is believing: they're innately inquisitive, and like to find things out for themselves.

That means it's hard to pull the wool over their eyes, because they can see straight through any fast-talking. Anyone who's a fly-by-night won't stand a chance once those Mercurial minds get moving.

Virgos who make the most of their mental mastery and organizational ability can go a long way at work. (And I don't mean they make lovely long-distance lorry drivers, either!) But you might not hear about that almost certain success. Virgos are very modest, and hate blowing their own trumpets. Even when they win accolades and awards they'll prefer to keep quiet.

Unfortunately, Virgos sometimes carry this ravishing reticence into other areas of their lives. Not only will they be coy professionally, but they'll be retiring romantically, too. Their heads usually rule their hearts and Virgos can be quite cool, undemonstrative and unemotional. One Virgo relative of mine married purely for tax reasons.

This is definitely a sign that finds it hard to slow down, and Mercury makes Virgos move about like maniacs busy bees! They can have dreadful difficulties relaxing, and will always find something to do, even if it's the dusting for the third time in a morning. Which reminds me. I was chatting to a Mercurial male one day, and we were discussing what he'd done during Christmas. He said his girlfriend had gone to Glasgow, and left him at home. Did he mind? 'Oh no!' he grinned. 'It meant I could tidy up my flat. And I got the tops of the plugs clean. It was wonderful!' Obviously he got thirteen amps of joy from Santa that Christmas!